I wanna bring you to show and tell
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
