did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
