idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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