I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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