i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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