You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
