I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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