So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
