tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
