Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
