Pants 0. Shit 1.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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