Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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