I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what day is it and did you see me today?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
