why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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