Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
