i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
