i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
