I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
