i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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