i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
