i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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