I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
