they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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