White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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