i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
