the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The feeling are messing with the penis
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
