I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
