he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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