i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
