seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
