Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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