Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to align my fucking chakras
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
