Where is the hickey?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
