Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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