i permit you to call me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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