Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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