I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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