Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
