I'm really into asian looking animals
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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