I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
