I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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