cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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