did you get engaged???
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
