we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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