So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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