Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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