Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I believe in your delicious
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
