areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If that was your dad, he is hot
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
