I accidentally had phone sex last night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
wow bdsm is so cute
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
