you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
