weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
