I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
