I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Mom said you looked used
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i now understand why vodka
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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