Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
