I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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