it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
