a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
