You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
