chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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