There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
