On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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