She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
