I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
