the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
