Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
