I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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