If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize