I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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