Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
