Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
