My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
