Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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