Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
