I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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