no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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