Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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