I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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